One discussion topic about courtship/dating that recently occurred on SGM Survivors (www.sgmsurvivors.com) was about the affects of socially isolating single men and women. One person put it this way:
It left these young people (and some not-so-young people) with immature and underdeveloped abilities…which in turn, of course, leave them more vulnerable to being led and controlled, even as they are pumped full of themselves and their own maturity for “doing it right.”
It has been reported that in some courtship circles including Sovereign Grace Ministries there is a lot of social “segregation” of the single men and. That is the pastors and parents don’t allow single men and women in their teens and older to interact much (with those of the opposite sex). This includes limiting this interaction even in group settings.
It was discussed what are some of the effects of this “segregation.” One clear affect of this “isolation” is that it doesn’t allow these single men and women to develop social interaction skills with those of the opposite sex. In other words, it leaves these young people with immature and underdeveloped social skills with those of the opposite sex. This would include the young men having problems approaching and talking to a single women and single women being shy and “unapproachable.” Put another way the singles become afraid of any interaction with the opposite sex.
When singles don’t have these social skills it makes them more dependent and easily controlled by their parents. Without having the opportunity to develop the interacting skills needed to meet a mate, they can become dependent on their parents and others in finding a mate. I value the opinions and input of others on finding a mate but seriously question if parents should be the ones deciding who you should marry.
I am not one to say that there doesn’t need to be some controls in place especially when singles are younger but what I hear reported seems to be going to quite an extreme. This is another example of how courtship and “kissing dating goodbye” may have started with the best of intentions morphs into something that is more about control than its original intent.
Comments?
Tags: Betrothal, brett detwiler, Courtship, Covenant Life Church, Covenant Life Criticism, joshua harris, Sovereign Grace Ministires criticism, Sovereign Grace Ministries
August 7, 2008 at 1:58 am |
It’s worse than that. Then when we finally do have to opportunity to be with a person, I think we are more likely to fall into sin because we are so hungry for attention from the opposite sex. But then, I wrote about that recently on my blog–Can’t Get No Satisfaction
September 11, 2008 at 8:43 am |
Savvy
My thoughts on this are similar to what you are saying. What I would say is that if interaction between single men and women is so limited that they don’t have a chance to learn how to do it properly. Then when suddenly in a situation with a person of the opposite sex they are more prone to sin since they never were afforded an opportunity learn how to interact in a holy manner with the opposite sex.
December 1, 2008 at 1:50 am |
Additionally, men and women need to learn to interact with those of the opposite sex in multiple contexts—that is, it is healthy to learn to interact with someone as a PERSON and not merely as a potential (sex) partner (not to imply that that is all marriage is about, of course, but just to illustrate my point). I see this happen with young Christian men a lot…sometimes I feel more objectified by Christian men than I do by men in the world….to me this is a scary phenomenon. I would hope someone would be able to view women as sisters—someone intelligent who is worht having a conversation with, even if you wouldn’t want to have sex with her. I suppose that about sums up what I am trying to say.
September 10, 2009 at 1:51 pm |
Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog.
Cheers! Sandra. R.