Starting My Blog: Should I Kiss Dating Goodbye or Kiss That Book Goodbye?

Hello

Here is my first attempt at a Blog. If things aren’t perfect, please bear with me.

I am patterning this after another blog I have been following which is related to the subject of this blog. The discussion on that blog has been productive and a learning experience for me. My hope is that this blog do the same for myself and others. BTW, it isn’t the intent of this blog to compete with the other blog. This blog is getting much more specific than the other blog.

I have been involved in a few online discussions about Joshua Harris’s book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” I have posted my concerns along with others while some people have come to Harris’s defense and defended his philosophy. In these discussions I have seen a number of people complain of the bad effects of the book including how it made meeting someone of the opposite sex harder. One writer complained that it also gave the single men an excuse to be passive, stick to themselves, and not find a mate. One person thought the book had merits but the way it was implemented (including in the author’s own group of churches) was the problem.

The one thing I haven’t seen in these discussions is a lot of people stepping up and saying how well the system Harris promotes worked for them. I am sure there are some out there; hearing almost silence makes me wonder just how well this approach has worked for anyone.  If this system really doesn’t work that well, did people follow it due to a “herd” mentality that keeps them from pointing out “the emperor has no clothes?”

Very shortly I will post a summary of my observations (mostly problems) with Harris’s view. Some of my thoughts on the “kissing dating goodbye” philosophy include

  1. It is reactive.
  2. It is presented as “a one size fits all” where it is mostly appropriate for teenagers.  Harris was 21 when he wrote the book.
  3. It might have been what was required for Harris due to his situation and that may be the same for others. That said it doesn’t mean that it should be the “norm.”  What worked for him may not work for everyone all of the time.
  4. I spoke earlier of the “herd mentality.” Sometimes I wonder if pastors who think this is a good system are only hearing what they want to hear (that it is a good system).  Are these pastors ignoring the problems that occur with this approach?

Recently I have come across a few books written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. One of their books seem to be written as stating an opinion on dating different from Harris. More to be shared on this later.

Well welcome to the blog and please post comments. I look forward to the discussion.

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revised 2/25/08

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26 Responses to “Starting My Blog: Should I Kiss Dating Goodbye or Kiss That Book Goodbye?”

  1. Steve Says:

    You make nice points and questions. I am looking forward to discussions here.

  2. lookin4the1 Says:

    Looking forward to reading more!

  3. Jesse P. Says:

    Hi! Interesting blog. You mentioned that not many people stepped up and said that courtship as described by Harris worked for you. Allow me to be the first.

    My wife and I courted before we were married, we did not date. I read Josh’s book back then, although I read it quickly. I also read Douglas Wilsons “Her Hand in Marriage” which seemed to be more influential than Josh’s book. As well as “Federal Husband.”

    I never felt like I was at the mercy of other people and they controlled me. The first time I seriously considered pursuing my wife was at a prophecy team meeting where our church’s prophecy team (a group of people with a proven gift of prophecy) was seeking the Lord together preparing for a single’s retreat during which we were going to minister to the singles through the gifts.

    In that context I saw a pretty clear picture of my wife and heard God tell me, as distinctly as I’ve ever heard a prophecy, that this woman was my future wife.

    When I talked to my dad (who is a pastor, I’m a pastor in training now), he told me that it wasn’t time, I still had a few years of college yet and I couldn’t support a wife, lots of practical concerns. Another leader’s take was that God usually doesn’t tell a guy so young who he is supposed to marry.

    But instead of overreacting and calling people controlling, I thought to myself, “There are obviously things in my life that need to change if I’m going to be a good husband, maturity issues, and since God is sovereign, if it’s his will for me to marry this person, she’ll still be around in a year when I’m more capable and ready to pursue her.”

    Fast forward one year. I talked to my dad again and he said that he thought I was in a better position, closer to graduating, more mature, he’d seen a lot of progress that year, and he was in full faith for me to pursue her.

    So I talked to her dad and met with him a couple times a month from October until January. Why did I meet with her dad, prior to her even knowing that I was interested. Was I just jumping through hoops? Well, to some degree yes. But my take is that if a woman is valuable enough to a man, you’ll do anything. But I also wanted to have a good relationship with my in-laws. You don’t just marry a person, you really get all of their family along with them, so although it may sound crazy to submit yourself to your parents and her parents, I think it’s paying off now. We both have good relationships with our parents (although there is certainly some tension and disagreements, of course) in large part due to how we handled ourselves during the courtship, respecting them.

    Now it wasn’t perfect. We made mistakes. I was selfish, and we started holding hands, which in and of itself isn’t bad, but the problem was I just started doing it despite a previous commitment not to do that because of what it could potentially communicate. So I apologized to my parents and her dad and he was fine with it, as long as I still thought the courtship was moving forward closer to engagement. He just didn’t want his daughter to be defrauded, which I might have done by holding her hand if I didn’t think this relationship was going anywhere.

    Regarding the friend’s involvement. For me the friends were not involved in a controlling way, but for accountability, and also to provide contexts for us to be together. Let’s face it, sometime’s it’s just fun to do things with friends. We did have times where we went out alone. These were planned, and I had things I wanted to talk about and got both parents’ approval beforehand, but this was so the conversation would be intentional, because we were in an intentional relationship which I didn’t want to go on forever. I wanted to make progress and come to a decision if this was God’s will, so that I could ask her to marry me, instead of just passing time together and being passive.

    So, I think that all of these things like pastors’ involvement and parents authority and friend’s accountability, these are things that can certainly be abused. For me, they served a great purpose of helping me determine if it was God’s will for me to marry this particular person. There’s a fine line between seeking someone’s input, trusting their wisdom to help you with blind spots, and them running your life for you. I think it’s something we should strive for, and not overreact to this sort of potential abuse by throwing the baby out with the bath water.

    These are my thoughts, and I hope you find them helpful.

  4. steve240 Says:

    Jesse

    Thanks for sharing. It is nice to hear someone step up and share how the model worked for them.

    Not all Christians seeking a spouse have the fortune of Christian parents. As I think about this, I sometimes think one of the problems is that people try and take something that worked for them or take what God lead them to do (like kissing dating goodbye) as a “model” for all.

    Thanks again.

  5. Dan Says:

    I am going to take the plunge and post from a UK point of view. I’ve been in an SG church for 2 years and heard the “courting” word used a lot. I’ve even read the book by Joshua Harris and struggled a bit with it. But is it the different culture in the US from the UK that confuses me? I still can’t quite “get” the difference between dating and courting?

    I can appreciate the desire to be different from the world, but the church I grew up in had no problem with “dating” the opposite sex but of course we all knew the Biblical guidelines that sex before marriage was grieving to God and therefore sin.

    I guess I am just asking for some clarification. What does “courting” mean as opposed to dating – other than sounding a slightly antiquated word?

  6. steve240 Says:

    Dan

    Thanks for your comment.

    My understanding on the difference between courtship and dating in a nutshell are as follows:

    I believe Joshua Harris calls “courtship” dating with a purpose and that purpose being marriage. Unless a couple is in that situation and the people are ready for marriage including the man being in a position to financially support the woman, “dating” or “courting” isn’t allowed. Harris promotes singles not doing anything one on one with a person of the opposite sex unless they are done in groups of 3 or more.

    In the courtship/group scenario, “casual dating” isn’t allowed. One example given was that a single brother wanted to go with a single sister bowling. This wasn’t allowed.
    When I was involved with SG in the early 90’s, they promoted singles doing things in groups. Doing things in groups was an alternative to casual dating.

    In a lot of churches, from what I have seen and heard, the introduction of the kissed dating goodbye book usually results in isolation of single men and single women in churches (to varying degrees). I don’t believe that was the intent of the book but that is what always seems to happen. A few people have indicated that it gives single men an excuse for staying in their shell and not developing friendships with single women.

    If you read his book about kissing dating goodbye book, he has a big problem with singles repeatedly developing emotional attachments and then breaking up. He tells an imaginary story of a wedding where the groom is up their with his bride and all of these other girls also appear at the alter. These are other girls that he had an emotional attachment me to at one time (he wasn’t meaning something sexually immoral). The groom then tells his bride he is giving to her what is left of his heart.

    According to one person who recently attended a SG church, in order to court a woman you would first need to get the father’s permission. Getting the father’s permission could take spending months with the far for him to concur on this. What I found strange about this was that you had to get the father’s permission before you could really spend any time with the woman and thus know if you were a good match etc.

    A big issue I have with this, especially the requirement that things be done in groups is that this is a “one size fits all mentality.” I recently started looking through Harris’s book again. A lot of what he says there might make sense for a teenager but not nearly as applicable to an older single.

    He was a teenager when he wrote the book and married pretty young. Thus what he wrote was written from the perspective of a younger single person. With his marrying so young, I doubt he will really be able to see the perspective of an older single.

    I am not sharing all the details of the difference but hopefully this gives you an idea.

  7. steve240 Says:

    Dan

    Here is a copy of something I posted somewhere else that might help clarify this more especially with SG. Someone I know that recently left a SG church believed this to be correct.

    Here is a summary of the three stages I have seen:

    DATING

    This is what a lot of people do. It can be a casual date doing things a friends where a person dates different people to see what personality works best for them. It could be a long drawn out thing with no intention of marriage. There is quite a spectrum here. SG moved away from this early in their church history.

    GROUP APPROACH

    This is what SG started promoting early in their church history (1978). With this approach single are suppose to things in groups vs. two single people of the opposite sex going out on “dates.” Dating might not have literally been forbidden but it might as well have. Only when a couple after having done a lot of thing in groups and in that context gotten to know each other were they then allowed to pursue a relationship and see each other one one on one.

    Incidentally the banished Larry Tomczak introduced this to SG and came out with a book that same year entitled “Straighforward …..”

    COURTSHIP

    This system is something SG gravitated to around the mid 90’s. It especially worked well for children growing up in the church. This is an extension of the group approach and goes even further.

    With this approach an interested young man must first approach the young woman’s father and gain his approval to court or “woo” as they like to say his daughter. Getting the father’s approval may take some time and is done before the young man can spend any significant time with the young woman to determine if she is even a good match for him.

    At one time this approach was introduced as having prospective couple do things around each other’s family where they couldn’t put on a facade for their potential partner but now has moved toward getting the father’s approval first before much contact between the two single people. To me the having to get the father’s permission to “woo” his daughter before you can spend time to get to know her to see if she is a good match is liking putting the cart before the horse.

  8. Dan Says:

    Thanks for those really helpful clarifying points Steve!! I am really enjoying following your post and thinking through the issues. It seems to me that some would try and dismiss discussing this because its “all a matter of opinion”. I guess others would accuse you of “slandering” Joshua Harris or whatever. I really appreciate your careful analysis of what’s good and what’s not about what essentially is just his opinion on methods of how a man meets a woman. And it DOES matter because these are real young peoples lives we are dealing with! Thanks!

  9. steve240 Says:

    Dan

    Thanks for your comment. I am hoping that my posts here and others’ comments will be a mature analysis of dating and other proposed alternatives. My own comments will certainly be my opinions and I am sure others will have differing views.

    I do have a concern that especially when this approach was popularized with Harris’s kissing dating goodbye book that people followed it with a “herd mentality” without thinking through what its proper application.

    Also, people are tempted to push things to an extreme. If a little bit of something is good, then even more of something might be even better. For example groups work well in some situations then do it in all.

    Hopefully this blog will give people a forum where people can hear various opinions and thoughts on dating, courtship and the group approach and make a decision on what is best for them in their current situation and also be open to realizing the approach they choose may need to change later.

  10. grace Says:

    how can you say and prove that?
    he wrote his book not because it’s his philosophy but because he viewed it as God’s perspective view and principle regarding dating, courtship,etc.
    I’m looking for your better recommendations………

  11. steve240 Says:

    Grace

    I am not sure what you are referring to when you say “how can you say and prove that?” Thus I can’t comment on this till you clarfiy.

    I think it is semantics your second point. It is his philosophy because he thinks it is God’s perspective on all of this. I don’t doubt his sincerity on this. One can be sincere but fail to show a proper perspective.

    Harris also “conveniently” left out of his book problems with his approach that have occurred at his church during the many years they have been pushing this approach (almost from the beginning). In fairness to Harris he wasn’t the pastor during all of that time but he certainly should have been aware of this. This point in mentioned in another one of my blog pages “Does Only Dating Have Defects.”

    Here is a good response to your asking about better recommendations:

    I began to realize that the people who were asking that I propose an alternative to courtship were actually looking for an alternative set of techniques. Their thinking seemed to be something like this: if courtship is out then we must have some other system or formula to follow if we are to avoid the pitfalls of recreational dating. (The fact that millions of godly Christians throughout history have found love-filled and happy marriages without having a set of techniques to follow doesn’t seem to enter into the equation here.)

    from:

    http://robinphillips.blogspot.com/2006/08/my-book-on-courtship-and-betrothal_30.html

    If you notice the name of my blog I am not calling it all “foolishness.” I am asking is it wisdom or foolishness. I think it has some of both. If nothing else this blog will help people think and decide which if any of what Harris says is applicable for them in their situation and circumstance.

  12. Lorie in Pittsburgh Says:

    Interestingly enough, I just read this book as a single mother of a 13 year-old girl. Knowing the mistakes I’ve made in the past, how do I steer my daughter away from the landmines in the “dating scene.” I will agree that Mr. Harris wrote to a teenaged audience but he also provides several places where he encourages a single man to get the approval of her pastor, mentor, or older brother where a father would not be available or appropriate.

    The key in the whole thing, in my opinion, is maintaining purity with accountability to an elder or peer. By the time you are ready to start the romance phase, you have already been spending months getting to know him/her (the person you are interested in pursuing an intimate relationship with) in a God-and-others-focused friendship.

    Courting is a new level where you are asking to begin spending more time face-to-face with the express intention to marry. Harris clearly describes this “test” phase of the “journey” ending successfully in marriage or finding out it’s not going to work and going your separate ways.

    It’s the first “non dating” idea I’ve explored, so I am anxious to see Dr. Cloud’s and Dr. Townsend’s version. For Josh Harris, however, kudos for having the GUTS to take the lead and stand in the gap instead of falling headlong into it like the rest of us did–being guided by our peers while our parents prayed we didn’t “go too far.”

  13. steve240 Says:

    Lorie

    Thanks for your post.

    I am not one to totally throw out Harris’s thoughts on this. Doing things in groups is certainly a good way for younger people such as your daughter to move into relating with those of the opposite sex. Just realize that as someone gets older much of what Harris says may not apply.

    Much of my experience is writing as someone who was in their 20’s who had rules that were more geared for teenagers vs. someone in their 20’s and later. I have seen where it teaches singles to avoid relating with each other vs. learning how to relate. That can be one thing that can happen with what Harris promotes.

    Also realize some people call what they do “courting” since it supposedly is better than “dating” when both may be doing the same thing.

    It is good to look through various ideas and make your own decision based on your daughter’s circumstances.

  14. Kayla Says:

    Wow, many interesting comments. I am close to finishing the book right now, and I am really enjoying it. I personally feel that if one is looking to this book for some sort of answers to how to find the perfect mate, and how do follow a process that will guarantee perfect results, they will be thoroughly disappointed. However, I feel that Josh does a wonderful job of writing to a young adult/teen audience and providing fresh perspectives on dating. I didn’t look to see if you have posted your age on here, Steve, but regardless, I’m sure you are aware of how tainted the dating scene has become today. TOO many young girls and boys are scammed by the media into believing that sex is an appropriate way to get the opposite sex to care about you, when in fact all it does is leave empty feelings and broken hearts. I look at Josh’s book as a guide to a more appropriate approach, a smarter approach to dating, and how to be smart with your heart. I like that he provides examples, and encourages the reader to think and evaluate their personal decisions instead of saying “this is what you should feel/think.”
    So there are my opinions so far. Forgive me if they seem scattered, but I just wanted to share my view.

  15. steve240 Says:

    Kayla

    Thanks for visiting and nice compliment on my blog.

    I don’t think you have read many of my other blog entries. As I say in these other blog entries, I write my critique especially from the perspective of an older single where I saw the “kissing dating goodbye” principles imposed on singles in their 20’s and older as an almost “one size fits all.” This includes seeing problems with this approach in the church where Harris is now Sr. Pastor. I do question why so many assumed that what was appropriate for him at his age and situation is appropriate for all teenagers.

    What might make sense as a general rule for a teenager (which was Josh’s perspective when he wrote his book) isn’t usually proper for older singles and could even cause more harm then good.

    As my blog

  16. ikisseddatinggoodbye Says:

    Hello Steve240 my name is rubi and you currently called me out in my blog and sent me an invitation to visit yours. My blog ikisseddatinggoodbye was purposely set up for a singles meeting that I am constructing within my church. I am 25 years old and am happy married to an amazing man of God! I chose this book because I too made commitments to the Lord just as Joshua did. It was a point in my life where I was done-done trying to find love myself-done settling for less-I just wanted more of God and whatever that took I was willing to lay down everything in exchange. You see Steve…when you do these things as “rules” or “things to do” or a “successful antidote to find the one” its all done in vain. But when you do it because you’re main focus is on the Lord and that’s what’s important then everything falls in to place.
    I think I understand what you are saying-but then again I don’t. You are saying that Joshua states this as a “one fits all” type of thing-a molding and shaping that all must fit in to. But I see it otherwise. He clearly states in his book that his purpose is not to change someone’s mind about dating…but rather to gain a closer relationship with God. In the end this is what it’s all about…if you don’t desire to deepen your relationship with God then this is not the book for you. We all need to enjoy our lives as a single person with the Lord before we could ever think about taking on the responsibilities of having a husband or a wife and I believe that this is what he’s trying to get across. Selfish love wants satisfaction right then and there-unselfish love is willing to wait and crucify their flesh to protect the purity of someone else.
    And I know you mention that his book has caused women and men in the church to be harsh and stand offish-but that was not the book’s intention at all-in fact he states the opposite. He states that we should love eachother-brothers and sisters-with a Godly love-a pure love-and that by laying down our “I have to date him/her” mentality then we learn how to love the way the Lord wants to love (just cause you love someone doesn’t make them the one for you) I love when he says that we are so quick to “look for the one” that we end up claiming someone else’s husband/wife.
    I don’t find anything wrong with this book for those people who are tired of looking for love in all the wrong places-this book is great-it just reflects the word, that’s all-when you love God and your eyes are fixed on the Lord-then you can love for reals.
    It has been a pleasure-I will have the ladies in our group study check out your blog simply so they could see the things and questions that might arise.
    God bless you.
    -And just for the record-before I even read this book-i made the same decisions (almost precisely) that Joshua did….and it sooooo worked for me. My husband and I were featured in the Bakersfield Californian newspaper (our city newspaper) on the front page on Father’s day of 2005 because of the decision of not kissing until our wedding day. And so it was….we shared our first kiss then & and three years later…here we are…in love with God…and in love with each other.

  17. steve240 Says:

    Hi Rubi

    Thanks for your comment.

    Realize that the words “stand offish” are what Josh Harris described how singles were relating at his Church that he shared on his message “Courtship Smourtship.” He also used other terms. You can find my summary of this message at my blog entry:

    https://ikdg.wordpress.com/2008/04/30/what-problems-joshua-harris-acknowledged-about-how-singles-relate-at-his-church-but-doesn%E2%80%99t-share-on-his-website/

    Thus even at Josh Harris’s own church there were problems with how singles related and I am sure caused by his book and people’s overreaction to what it teaches. I am disappointed that Josh Harris hasn’t widely shared these problems. I am sure they occur in other circles and others could learn from this.

    I am sure that many of the problems that happen with Josh Harris’s book weren’t his “intent.” Even if they weren’t his “intent” they still have happened and others need to be warned about these road blocks. Other wise people will repeat fast mistakes. Not warning of these problems and presenting IKDG as “defect free” can set people up for failure.

    You might also want to look at the following link:

    http://www.joshharris.com/2009/02/ive_been_working_on_putting.php#comments

    Harris lists 3 messages that you can download and listen to that give some updates on IKDG. Harris has been promising for a few months to give written updates on his blog for a few months but still hasn’t done that.

    I have certainly seen where the IKDG approach is presented as a “one size fits all” approach. The same approach is used for all ages of singles. As I say in another blog entry, I question that.

    I am sure the principles in his book can be taken and used the right way. Unfortunately teaching IKDG always seems to lead to legalism.

    Thanks again for your comment. Hope what I have shared helps.

  18. ikisseddatinggoodbye Says:

    Steve I totally get what you’re saying. You are right. I guess it all comes down to how it’s being taught. It is very important to find what works and what doesn’t. I will make sure to bring these points across and stress to the girls as we go. Thanks-overall, it is a great book-but you have to direct it in the correct way and not make it seem like it’s a “must do” instead of a suggestive way to make the choices. Not only so…but the main thing is to line it up with the word of God!
    Thanks…Rubi

  19. deldobuss Says:

    It is the difference between taking Harris’ book as a technical manual and implementing legalistic rules and expectations that no one can uphold, and using his book as a testimony from a brother in the Lord and allowing the Holy Spirit to direct your path.

    I think parents of teens and young adults are very anxious about their children and their purity, which is good. They are afraid their kids will make similar mistakes they had, and so they go on the offensive. Sound wisdom, clear boundaries, and a trust-filled relationship (one where you know them and what they do, and they know YOU and your past) should be adequate to guide them through this time in their life.

    As a young adult, if not yet married, they should be able to come to you and others in their life for advice, not manipulation and controlling behavior.

    Courtship and Dating are simply “methods” used to find a spouse. Both can be used in a godly way, and both can be abused and misconstrued.

    I have to admit that I have not read Joshua Harris’ book, nor do I intend to in the near future. I do have a lot of homeschool friends that talk about the method of courting and even some who have considered arranged marriage.

    I have one question for them, what if your son or daughter is intended by God to remain single? Paul wished that the young men could be like him, but gave them permission to marry if they could not control their lust. So, it is improbable that God planned only Paul to be unmarried in the body of Christ. There is a place for single men and women, they have more opportunities and less burden of responsibility. Their mind can be focused on more, and distracted with less. Where do single Christians stand in these churches and groups of thought?

  20. Matt Says:

    Hi!

    Obviously, having read the book, everyone is meant to draw points from it and its a book that helps people, NOT a manual for their life!

    I personally agree with many aspects about NOT searching for your soulmate for the sake of it, but really to be aware of the people ALREADY in your life God has provided that you should not overlook.

    Whilst I also agree that the method of kissing dating goodbye has worked for Joshua Harris, which doesnt mean will work for everyone, again, what is dating and what is courtship? there is no set answer.

    I do not disagree with dating, but am aware the problems and hurt it can bring, as well as the fact that dating in today’s media influenced terms doesnt really appeal! Dating in a christian context im sure can be great!

    Anyway, instead of rambling on, I just think people need to draw their own conclusions from the book, its there to HELP not to DICTATE.

  21. tabithalydia Says:

    I’m still on it right now. Actually, I agree with your postmodern values – what worked for Joshua Harris might not work for others. With the same reason, this should not be a “norm” or a “standard.” His choice should be opted by a person who believes that such deed is for his or her betterment. Even Harris admittedly knew his action was to “counterculture” romance. However, in the lighter side of it, Joshua was able to point much about the “dating” problems of today. It is well enough for me as an “eye-opener.” His personal ways of resolving his endeavors in relationships might be too extreme for most of us but I agree with the the gist of his book – it proposes pure love with romance done on a clean slate.

  22. Radiance Says:

    I really appreciate this blog entry. Thank you.

    A few years back, I was a new Christian and books like this one were heavily promoted at the church bookstore, at conferences, etc…I was at a BORDER’S the other day, and as an earlier commenter pointed out, some of the most major theological works in history are nowhere on the shelves, but there were about four copies of “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.”

    With this over-publication of secondary books in Christian culture, one wonders if people leave any time to ever read the BIBLE. (for themselves)

    I believe pastors mean well and offer their advice out of love. Not only that, I actually do believe this book serves as a timely challenge to the status quo and has stimulated a much needed discussion on the matter.

    That being said, (and this is not just about this book) some of the consequences of giving extra-Biblical insight and marketing it as “Biblical” or “the right way” can be more far ranging and spiritually devastating than people think. Pastors also need to be cautious and discerning about how much their conclusions are colored by their own personal experiences versus by absolute truths. We run the risk of promoting burdensome and distracting legalism.

    People who do date (in godly fashion) or people who wish to fellowship with both young men and women WITHOUT any pressure to date or court or be courted, may think “Oh no, I’m not Biblical. Oh no, I’m not pleasing God. Oh no, I should be married by now. etc…etc…”

    And not to dismiss the wonderful and useful secondary sources out there, but, Christians: let us put more faith in the power and SUFFICIENCY of Scripture to guide our lives, and by Scripture, I mean the WHOLE of Scripture–not just the latest favorite verses the current Christian subculture in this country tends to emphasize at the expense of others.

    If we make Jesus our first love and our primary concern of life, we can rest assured that He’ll make all the secondary matters fall into place in His timing…

    All our walks won’t look the same, all our marriages won’t look the same, all our churches won’t look the same, all our lives won’t look the same–but our God and His Word will remain the same and our trust must be in Him, not in any practice or tradition.

    We need the lost members of our broken culture to identify us by our resemblance to and love for Jesus and love for them, not by our alternative dating rules or “practices.”

    • steve240 Says:

      Radiance

      Thanks for your note and welcome to my blog. People certainly need to spend more time studying scripture to see what it says for themselves.

  23. Lori Says:

    That book is total foolishness!!!! This is why Christians make the worst dates. They don’t even know how to act as a result of this legalistic hoopla. Someone please burn that book before I have to start dating New Agers!!!!!!!!!!!! Are there any normal Christians left on the dating scene? LOL

  24. Lori Says:

    Seriously, I like the comment “We need lost membersof our broken culture to identify us by our resemblence to Jesus”. That should be the whole point of dating. We meet people from all walks of life and we bring the love of Christ with us. Dating is not marriage-it is just meeting people and talking with people from all walks of life. Some people come into our life for a moment, some for a season and some for a lifetime. We need to make sure that they see a reflection of Jesus after they have met us regardless,

  25. Mary Eves Says:

    It is the worst of the purity culture. Men are not to women as God is to humanity. Such debasing condensation is enough to make young women who can think for themselves commit sins in revolt of such arrogance. We Christian women need to demand better literature on relationships. Chastity is as important for men as it is for women, men do not have urges so much stronger that they can be pitied, a woman with his history would be called whore, and yet he is praised as a God inspired model of purity.

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